To tell or not to tell?
I suppose that's the big question with pregnancy. I knew people who publicly shared their pregnancy news as soon as they saw the positive test results. I knew others who waited much longer. With Bug, we waited until 12 weeks generally, sometimes longer or shorter depending on our relationships. I guess that's pretty much where my "I'm pregnant" comfort levels falls, with the beginning of the 2nd trimester.
But that aside. With an IVF cycle, my question is a bit more general...or specific, depending on how you look at it.
When and how do you share that you're going through IVF?
Just like with pregnancy, I don't think there's any one answer. Having the support is wonderful and encouraging. It also is tough to share less-than-positive updates. The hormonal and physical changes of IVF can be daunting. I couldn't help but wonder whether, aside from the pinpricks and bandaids covering my stomach, my fertility treatment was visibly apparent on the outside.
With Bug's IVF cycle, I told a few close friends, including one who opened up her house to me as a base for my early morning fertility treatments, and another who'd undergone a (successful) round of IVF herself.
For my November IVF cycle, I told a handful of friends, including some who had faced fertility treatments themselves and others who would be supportive no matter what the outcome. They were, thankfully.
For last month's FET cycle, we told pretty much no one. I think the biggest difference was the lack of uncertainty in a FET (versus IVF) cycle. Don't get me wrong, there's still the crazy-making that a two week wait causes when you know an embryo was transferred. That alone makes a FET cycle painful.
Unlike an IVF cycle, I had no lead up to the embryo transfer during the FET. I was on a handful of meds that made me feel pretty normal, relatively speaking. I didn't have days of shots that were hyper-stimulating both my ovaries and my hormones, nor was there the uncertainty of estrogen levels getting too high, the number of eggs retrieved, the number of mature eggs, ICSI versus standard fertilization, the number of embryos produced, 3 versus 5-day transfer, number of embryos (or blasts) that make it to day 3 (or 5), number transferred, number that make it to freeze. All while still jacked up on the stimming hormones, which hopefully are leaving your system. Nor is there the fear of the anesthesia they use during the egg retrieval (propanol or fentanyl, generally speaking), which, even though both of my egg retrievals went smoothly, will probably never abate. I fear anesthesia.
IVF cycles are tough, physically and emotionally. If we have to go through any additional, I have no doubt that we will never come up with the perfect number of confidantes.
Whew. I need a nap.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
4W4D
It hasn't set in yet. As DH was getting ready for work, I bluntly said "I'm pregnant." He'd already gotten the news yesterday.
It seems strange to be saying it. The last time I could say I was pregnant, I had a bowling ball moving inside of me and was carrying 28 extra pounds of weight. While I'm still unfortunately carrying some of that weight, there's no bowling ball.
I feel passably okay, at least compared to the wonder of that 3rd trimester. Well, aside from some continuing queasiness and a general feeling of being out of sorts. I'm experiencing a hot flash as I type this. Won't my red cheeks be a giveaway that something is up?
We Skyped with DH's dad and stepmom last week. Later in the week, his dad mentioned that something had been bothering them. "Is Bugsy pregnant?" he asked. Apparently his stepmom noticed my flushed colouring. That was at 4DP5DT.
My goal is to not overthink this pregnancy. I was a wreck for...well, pretty much the entire 9 months of Bug's pregnancy. I recently read that moms who conceive through ART generally are pretty anxious throughout, worried that something will go wrong. That was me to a T. One of my personal goals is to enjoy the pregnancy more than I could with Bug's. It's hard to do when jacked up on progesterone and estrogen, that's for sure.
Sweet Guy is fast asleep in my lap. That's one aspect of HCG I adore.
It seems strange to be saying it. The last time I could say I was pregnant, I had a bowling ball moving inside of me and was carrying 28 extra pounds of weight. While I'm still unfortunately carrying some of that weight, there's no bowling ball.
I feel passably okay, at least compared to the wonder of that 3rd trimester. Well, aside from some continuing queasiness and a general feeling of being out of sorts. I'm experiencing a hot flash as I type this. Won't my red cheeks be a giveaway that something is up?
We Skyped with DH's dad and stepmom last week. Later in the week, his dad mentioned that something had been bothering them. "Is Bugsy pregnant?" he asked. Apparently his stepmom noticed my flushed colouring. That was at 4DP5DT.
My goal is to not overthink this pregnancy. I was a wreck for...well, pretty much the entire 9 months of Bug's pregnancy. I recently read that moms who conceive through ART generally are pretty anxious throughout, worried that something will go wrong. That was me to a T. One of my personal goals is to enjoy the pregnancy more than I could with Bug's. It's hard to do when jacked up on progesterone and estrogen, that's for sure.
Sweet Guy is fast asleep in my lap. That's one aspect of HCG I adore.
Monday, March 2, 2015
Beta
Beta of 1824. I am pregnant, more pregnant than I was with Bug during the comparable day of his cycle.
Well, I guess my morning sickness really was just that...
Well, I guess my morning sickness really was just that...
FET #1: 12DP5DT
It's 2:56 PM on beta day. Yay! The long wait for my results is (hopefully) almost here.
I had my blood draw at 7:20 this morning. I was the first one in the queue. The phlebotomist missed the vein and had to repuncture it. It was the most painful blood draw I've had. I hope it's not a bad omen for today's news.
Olive's nurses stop taking incoming calls after 3 PM. I left a message at 2:50 enquiring on the status of my results. Naturally, one of his nurses is out of the office today. It explains why they're backlogged in making calls, but the longer this drags out, the more my heart is pounding.
I still haven't done a home test. Still queasy with vivid dreams, but not in as bad of a mood as last week. I'm trying to tell myself that the queasiness is due to the progesterone, and that when I get negative results in the next few minutes, I can console myself with a big cupcake and with the thought that our planned trip to California this summer will go on as planned.
Last cycle, I think they called me around 2 PM with my low beta numbers. During Bug's cycle, the nurse called me two hours earlier than expected. My brain can't help but wonder if they're delaying the inevitable because it's not good news. I've been through that once before...can hopefully handle it again.
I'm trying to will the phone to ring. It's not working.
I had my blood draw at 7:20 this morning. I was the first one in the queue. The phlebotomist missed the vein and had to repuncture it. It was the most painful blood draw I've had. I hope it's not a bad omen for today's news.
Olive's nurses stop taking incoming calls after 3 PM. I left a message at 2:50 enquiring on the status of my results. Naturally, one of his nurses is out of the office today. It explains why they're backlogged in making calls, but the longer this drags out, the more my heart is pounding.
I still haven't done a home test. Still queasy with vivid dreams, but not in as bad of a mood as last week. I'm trying to tell myself that the queasiness is due to the progesterone, and that when I get negative results in the next few minutes, I can console myself with a big cupcake and with the thought that our planned trip to California this summer will go on as planned.
Last cycle, I think they called me around 2 PM with my low beta numbers. During Bug's cycle, the nurse called me two hours earlier than expected. My brain can't help but wonder if they're delaying the inevitable because it's not good news. I've been through that once before...can hopefully handle it again.
I'm trying to will the phone to ring. It's not working.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
FET #1: 11DP5DT
T-1 until beta. Yay!
At this point last cycle, I felt like myself again following a few days of vaguely feeling pregnant.
As for today...I feel like crap. I can't eat anything without feeling nauseous, but if I don't eat anything, I feel nauseous. When I eat something, I feel crampy and nauseous. I wanted banana bread for breakfast - made w/ almond flour in the chance that I am pregnant and headed down the gestational diabetes path once again - and ate one bite. It didn't taste good. The peanut butter (which I normally adore) tasted funny.
The rest of it sat on my plate and my stomach rumbled its sigh of disapproval. Within 30 seconds, I felt hungry again. Only this time, nothing sounded good.
Yesterday was a 14-hour day of this feeling. A l-o-n-g day. I'm resigning myself to veggie slices and nuts (and ice cream), in an attempt to keep my stomach at bay and a vaguely low-carb diet in check. Rich ice cream was one of the few sweets that gave me almost zero problems with my blood sugars last time around, and for whatever reason, it tastes really satisfying right now.
If I am pregnant, these symptoms are similar (=more intense) than the morning sickness I felt with Bug. If I'm not pregnant, I am recording these side effects so that I don't drive myself crazy wondering if they're pregnancy-related on my next cycle.
One day until beta. Yay!
At this point last cycle, I felt like myself again following a few days of vaguely feeling pregnant.
As for today...I feel like crap. I can't eat anything without feeling nauseous, but if I don't eat anything, I feel nauseous. When I eat something, I feel crampy and nauseous. I wanted banana bread for breakfast - made w/ almond flour in the chance that I am pregnant and headed down the gestational diabetes path once again - and ate one bite. It didn't taste good. The peanut butter (which I normally adore) tasted funny.
The rest of it sat on my plate and my stomach rumbled its sigh of disapproval. Within 30 seconds, I felt hungry again. Only this time, nothing sounded good.
Yesterday was a 14-hour day of this feeling. A l-o-n-g day. I'm resigning myself to veggie slices and nuts (and ice cream), in an attempt to keep my stomach at bay and a vaguely low-carb diet in check. Rich ice cream was one of the few sweets that gave me almost zero problems with my blood sugars last time around, and for whatever reason, it tastes really satisfying right now.
If I am pregnant, these symptoms are similar (=more intense) than the morning sickness I felt with Bug. If I'm not pregnant, I am recording these side effects so that I don't drive myself crazy wondering if they're pregnancy-related on my next cycle.
One day until beta. Yay!
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Medicine awkwardness
The only thing I've found more awkward than a female suppository is when your 2.5 y. o. toddles over to provide a running commentary.
Bug asked if it was mommy's medicine, and then proceeded to hop up on the bed with legs splayed so that he could have some medicine too.
Maybe he'll be an OB/GYN. As long as it doesn't traumatize him, we're good.
FET #1: 10DP5DT
Monday. Still two days away. In the greater scheme of things, it's approaching relatively quickly...but feels like it's taking forever.
Side effects: intermittent cramping, some light queasiness. Return of fairly vivid dreams, some light lethargy. I'm not pushing myself with exercise, though, so not sure if the lethargy is more of a placebo effect. Same with the dreams. And the cramping and queasiness, for that matter.
Woke up starving in the middle of the night. I'm pretty sure that's a s/e of the progesterone. Meals sometimes leave me queasy or with gas cramps. Bleh.
The cats are pretty darn clingy. Mama Cat is now spending every night cuddling against my stomach. Old Guy tries to join her with occasional success (surprising considering that they hate each other). Sweet Guy joins me for computer time around 50% of the time now. Considering that he's never been a lap cat in the 9 years I've known him, I'm very much enjoying our cuddles.
Two days until beta. I'm really looking forward to having some certainty and simply knowing the direction this cycle is taking.
Side effects: intermittent cramping, some light queasiness. Return of fairly vivid dreams, some light lethargy. I'm not pushing myself with exercise, though, so not sure if the lethargy is more of a placebo effect. Same with the dreams. And the cramping and queasiness, for that matter.
Woke up starving in the middle of the night. I'm pretty sure that's a s/e of the progesterone. Meals sometimes leave me queasy or with gas cramps. Bleh.
The cats are pretty darn clingy. Mama Cat is now spending every night cuddling against my stomach. Old Guy tries to join her with occasional success (surprising considering that they hate each other). Sweet Guy joins me for computer time around 50% of the time now. Considering that he's never been a lap cat in the 9 years I've known him, I'm very much enjoying our cuddles.
Two days until beta. I'm really looking forward to having some certainty and simply knowing the direction this cycle is taking.
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