To tell or not to tell

To tell or not to tell?

I suppose that's the big question with pregnancy.  I knew people who publicly shared their pregnancy news as soon as they saw the positive test results.  I knew others who waited much longer.  With Bug,  we waited until 12 weeks generally, sometimes longer or shorter depending on our relationships.  I guess that's pretty much where my "I'm pregnant" comfort levels falls, with the beginning of the 2nd trimester.

But that aside.  With an IVF cycle, my question is a bit more general...or specific, depending on how you look at it.

When and how do you share that you're going through IVF?

Just like with pregnancy, I don't think there's any one answer.  Having the support is wonderful and encouraging.  It also is tough to share less-than-positive updates.  The hormonal and physical changes of IVF can be daunting.  I couldn't help but wonder whether, aside from the pinpricks and bandaids covering my stomach, my fertility treatment was visibly apparent on the outside.

With Bug's IVF cycle, I told a few close friends, including one who opened up her house to me as a base for my early morning fertility treatments, and another who'd undergone a (successful) round of IVF herself.

For my November IVF cycle, I told a handful of friends, including some who had faced fertility treatments themselves and others who would be supportive no matter what the outcome.  They were, thankfully.

For last month's FET cycle, we told pretty much no one.  I think the biggest difference was the lack of uncertainty in a FET (versus IVF) cycle.  Don't get me wrong, there's still the crazy-making that a two week wait causes when you know an embryo was transferred.  That alone makes a FET cycle painful.

Unlike an IVF cycle, I had no lead up to the embryo transfer during the FET.  I was on a handful of meds that made me feel pretty normal, relatively speaking.  I didn't have days of shots that were hyper-stimulating both my ovaries and my hormones, nor was there the uncertainty of estrogen levels getting too high, the number of eggs retrieved, the number of mature eggs, ICSI versus standard fertilization, the number of embryos produced, 3 versus 5-day transfer, number of embryos (or blasts) that make it to day 3 (or 5), number transferred, number that make it to freeze.  All while still jacked up on the stimming hormones, which hopefully are leaving your system.  Nor is there the fear of the anesthesia they use during the egg retrieval (propanol or fentanyl, generally speaking), which, even though both of my egg retrievals went smoothly, will probably never abate.  I fear anesthesia.

IVF cycles are tough, physically and emotionally.  If we have to go through any additional, I have no doubt that we will never come up with the perfect number of confidantes.

Whew.  I need a nap.